Delusion of Self-Sufficency

"Reflections from Recovery"
Sam's thoughts on "I" continue here:

Written by "Sam" 10/26
The spiritual part of our disease is self-centeredness .

What is self-centeredness ?

It is the belief that the world revolves around me.  My wishes, my demands - are the only ones worth consideration.  Our self-centered minds believe they are capable of getting everything they want if only they would be left to their own devices.We say that self-centeredness is the spiritual part of the disease because the self-centered mind cannot conceive of anything greater than or more important that itself.  But there is a spiritual solution to our spiritual disease.

We strip away our delusion of self-sufficiency by surrendering to a Higher Power greater than ourselves.  We admit we have been wrong, make amends, and seek knowledge of what's right from the God of our understanding.  We seek to serve others and not ourselves.

The goal is to become more God-centered and less self-centered.


grace, peace + hope
-Jesse

You have to get rid of that "I"

Written by "Sam" - 10/25

I was having a one on one session with a Christian who I look up to.  I was explaining how I got discouraged because I was at a spiritual retreat up in the mountains, and I thought all of a sudden, I'm gonna feel some type of way and grow immensely in Christianity overnight - or feel the lightning bolts. 

This is not how this works. 

Change is a constant slow process (at least for me).  But I looked at how far I've come.  7 months ago I never picked up a Bible or wanted to.   I didn't put Christian songs on a CD, mention Jesus in prayer, usually I just prayed for God to get me out of this mess or for the light to turn green.

I have come along way in this time and I don't give myself enough credit.

He stopped me there and said, "You have to get rid of that 'I' and give all the credit to Jesus."

I replied in my mind, "Your telling me after 12 years of hurting people, being selfish, lying etc.  that now I'm finally doing good and I can't take any of the credit!"

-That is the end of his entry.  And I love it.

I know I've been in a similar place, at least as far as the taking credit part.  I love his honesty, and the wisdom of the one he was meeting with to call that out.  This is one example of what discipleship and living our lives with people that M28 is all about.

It's easy to replace what Jesus does in our lives with ourselves.  But we would never get close to him if he hadn't already come all the way to us.

grace, peace + hope
-Jesse

The Story Has to End with Victory

Written 5/19/12 by "Sam"

I took a hot shower and washed my county prison uniform with a bar of soap and an empty trash can.  I laid down to and started to dream of my future, looking up at the ceiling with my hands behind my head.  I had an inner peace, that is unusual in a dorm-like cell, crowded with seven other convicts.  One was serving 25 years for attempted homicide.

The peace came from above, and I started thinking to myself that I can do, and get through, everything.  Everything that happened in my past, prepared and lead me to this exact time and the story has to end with victory.

I had to be beaten up so badly from drugs, alcohol, sin and failure to reach such a bottom, where I had to rely not on my selfish ways, but belief that Jesus died for my sins.  God forgives me and has a purpose for my life.  I feel the enemy is waiting for me, doing push-ups and checking ammo.

When I leave this prison, I will have to be more prepared, especially with my higher power.

Romans 8:28 - "We know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to His purpose for them."

I now have a purpose and it is to simply live by spiritual principles and help others.

A Danish proverb:  What you are is God's gift to you.  What you do with yourself is your gift to God.


*minor edits made for anonymity